[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[31.0s] you know, Hillip?
[32.0s] Well, we guarded his caravan for a little while.
[35.0s] Do you recognize them? They don't seem to like us.
[38.0s] Be prepared, we might be earning double the wage today if it goes sideways.
[41.0s] All of them let out cries of pain as you see their skin begin to bubble and their clothes begin to melt away.
[49.0s] Sully looks at the scroll, looks at his finger, rolls the scroll back up slowly
[59.0s] and puts it in his bag and then whistles the down in the west bay rune town of Elteriel.
[70.0s] Don't know if I'm gonna have enough for that one, but we'll see when we get there, okay, everybody?
[89.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, we're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master, Russ More, and with me today is Amy More.
[104.0s] Do you say my name?
[106.0s] Say my name, say my name.
[108.0s] My name is Sullivan Slate.
[110.0s] And Carla Maxted.
[112.0s] That's me and I play Glim.
[114.0s] And Tom Laird.
[116.0s] That's me, I play Moot and feeling a little trepidatious because we have a guest star and last time he was on the podcast, stuff happened.
[124.0s] You're feeling trepidatious, eesh.
[126.0s] Yeah, we have a guest today that everybody's very hesitant for and I don't know why because he's such a lovely person.
[131.0s] From the End of Time and Other Bothers in Alba Salix, it's Sean Howard.
[135.0s] And I'm playing Tiamat.
[137.0s] No, I'm not.
[139.0s] No, we wanted you to come back as Tiamat, but it was hard no.
[144.0s] Too soon.
[145.0s] Too soon, I was told.
[147.0s] I got to wait 40 more episodes before we go.
[149.0s] You're also not, yeah, you're too small of a morsel right now.
[152.0s] Yeah.
[153.0s] That's fair.
[154.0s] It's true.
[155.0s] Just baby characters.
[156.0s] Where?
[158.0s] Let's see this.
[159.0s] I'm ready for this amazing transition.
[161.0s] Something about babies.
[163.0s] That was smooth.
[164.0s] That was really smooth.
[165.0s] Yeah, I'm a professional.
[166.0s] Where I am a professional is over on Patreon.
[169.0s] No, that's terrible.
[170.0s] That's awful.
[171.0s] Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[173.0s] What do we have over there?
[174.0s] Somebody else who knows what we're doing tonight?
[176.0s] We have so much bonus content.
[178.0s] It's crazy.
[179.0s] Wall to wall.
[180.0s] Floor to ceiling.
[181.0s] Some of it involves Sean because he's been on the show before.
[184.0s] It's true.
[185.0s] And Facing Fade is over there.
[186.0s] It's so good.
[187.0s] See, Sean knows.
[188.0s] Why can't I know?
[190.0s] I don't even know what I do.
[192.0s] And every episode we dedicate it to a patron.
[196.0s] Like today's episode.
[197.0s] Sean's got the whole thing down.
[198.0s] You know what?
[199.0s] Nobody else knows which patron we're dedicating it to though.
[201.0s] So I got that covered today.
[203.0s] Jonathan Smorgasburg.
[205.0s] Way to go, Jonathan.
[206.0s] Thank you.
[207.0s] Like I can read his writing.
[208.0s] Oh, that's true.
[209.0s] Today's episode is dedicated to Stevie.
[213.0s] Stevie.
[214.0s] Thanks Stevie.
[215.0s] I'm assuming Miss Nix.
[216.0s] The only two time rock and roll Hall of Fame entrance for a woman.
[221.0s] I was thinking Stevie from Schitt's Creek.
[224.0s] Oh, that's a good Stevie.
[227.0s] Stevie Budd, fictional character from a television show.
[230.0s] I love it when fictional characters listen to us.
[232.0s] I'm going to throw you all for a loop with the spelling of this one.
[235.0s] S-T-E-A-V-E-E.
[238.0s] Oh, I love it so much.
[239.0s] Oh, I like it.
[240.0s] Phonetic, but interesting.
[242.0s] As sweet as stevia.
[244.0s] Thank you, Stevie.
[246.0s] But now, fuck it.
[247.0s] Let's play D&D.
[250.0s] Previously, you fine folks were en route out east.
[257.0s] You had exploded a thieves' caravan with a poison orb.
[265.0s] Yeah, Amy sure did.
[268.0s] And some fire breath.
[269.0s] There was a lot of things that happened.
[273.0s] And you had made it to your destination, which was Scornuble,
[278.0s] where you were headed further east, but needed to hire a guide of sorts.
[285.0s] And now we find you with that guide aboard a river raft.
[290.0s] That guide's name is Gru.
[292.0s] Gru is rather suave, blonde hair, five foot nine, human.
[299.0s] Rather narrow build, not overly stocky or anything.
[305.0s] Sharp nose, rather well dressed, but the clothes look a little weathered.
[312.0s] And you're going upstream into Whitewater Rapids, being propelled by magic.
[320.0s] The boat is being tossed back and forth, waves are crashing up and over,
[325.0s] and you hear a crack as the boat hits a rock.
[330.0s] Sully vomits over the side of the raft.
[334.0s] It happens all the time.
[336.0s] It happens all the time.
[337.0s] No big deal.
[338.0s] Nothing to worry about, everyone.
[339.0s] Should we be worried about that loud crack sound?
[343.0s] Are we sinking?
[345.0s] No, it's still going.
[347.0s] Water appears to be coming up into the boat, though.
[350.0s] You said it was a raft.
[352.0s] Raft.
[353.0s] It's a raft boat.
[354.0s] Yeah, I heard of these before.
[355.0s] It's called a rope for short.
[357.0s] I used to make these.
[358.0s] I was a rotary.
[360.0s] Yeah.
[361.0s] Yeah.
[362.0s] See, you know what I'm talking about.
[363.0s] This is totally normal.
[364.0s] We're totally safe.
[365.0s] I'm just going to press these switches here.
[368.0s] Do something.
[369.0s] Yeah, you press the switches, and everybody else hears...
[372.0s] It's an electronic raft.
[374.0s] Yeah.
[375.0s] I guess they're like magic switches, right?
[378.0s] Like just explosions of...
[380.0s] Not explosions, but loud noises.
[384.0s] As he lets loose the cannon.
[386.0s] Of like magical pulses that just start going off and shooting the raft.
[392.0s] One makes it go up higher.
[394.0s] The other one shoots something down to the ground,
[397.0s] and there's a tiny explosion that goes off.
[400.0s] I'm just working out the bugs.
[401.0s] That's all.
[402.0s] Do we actually know what the switches do?
[404.0s] Yeah, of course we know what the switches do.
[406.0s] Of course.
[407.0s] I am.
[408.0s] I'm a guide.
[409.0s] I'll just leave those alone now.
[412.0s] So where is it exactly that we're going to end up here?
[415.0s] On the shore.
[416.0s] That's a good start.
[417.0s] Moments later, you fall from the sky and crash land at the shore of the river.
[424.0s] You've been traveling from about two days.
[427.0s] There we go.
[428.0s] Just dust yourselves off.
[430.0s] Like I said, we're on the shore.
[432.0s] Did I say we're going to be on the shore?
[433.0s] We're on the shore.
[434.0s] You said we were going to be on the shore.
[435.0s] You did.
[436.0s] I'll give you full credit, Gru.
[438.0s] Sully crawls off the craft and hugs the ground.
[444.0s] I missed you.
[446.0s] How you doing, buddy?
[447.0s] Why don't I help you out a little bit?
[450.0s] You're not looking so good.
[454.0s] I'm just used to a little more finesse to my traveling, you know.
[461.0s] It's a little rough.
[465.0s] I'm going to stroke his back gently, and if he has suffered any damage,
[472.0s] use some of my lay on hands pool to bring him back to full health.
[477.0s] Russ hasn't said you were down hit points, but you know what he's like.
[481.0s] He'll just say it in like 25 minutes or something.
[483.0s] That's right.
[484.0s] Remember when you lost 15 of those hit points during that crazy whitewater rafting that you did?
[488.0s] You only have 15 hit points.
[489.0s] I know.
[490.0s] That sounds about right.
[494.0s] I think, Glam, I feel a lot better.
[497.0s] You look around and you find yourself on the edge of a forest.
[502.0s] You've been traveling south from Scornuble with the intent to head to Burdusk,
[510.0s] which wraps around this forest that you're traveling around following the river.
[514.0s] So the forest is in the middle of Burdusk?
[517.0s] No, Burdusk is on the other side of the forest.
[519.0s] But you, rather than traveling through the forest,
[522.0s] were convinced to travel down the river by group.
[525.0s] Well, here we are due east.
[526.0s] We just got a little bit further to Burdusk.
[530.0s] OK, so just through the forest now or?
[532.0s] Yeah, I think there's a road around here somewhere, I'm sure.
[535.0s] Yeah, look, there it is right there.
[537.0s] Well, you got to walk now?
[539.0s] Yeah, are you going to be OK, Sully?
[540.0s] Well, yeah, but it's just...
[544.0s] Yeah, OK, I guess we can walk.
[546.0s] I suppose we could like build the raft,
[548.0s] take it apart and build it into a wagon or something.
[551.0s] I never really thought about that.
[553.0s] Well, it's been years since I've done any wagoneering, but...
[557.0s] No, no, let's get a little bit of exercise, you know.
[562.0s] Get those legs moving after being stuck on the raft for a few days.
[566.0s] It'll feel good after a while.
[568.0s] Yeah.
[569.0s] I'm just going to disable...
[570.0s] I mean, just park the raft so no one else uses it.
[573.0s] I mean, so nobody follows us.
[575.0s] I mean, for no reason.
[576.0s] He's one shady character.
[578.0s] I kind of like him.
[579.0s] You head due east into the forest following the road, which was there.
[588.0s] And the further in you go, the road becomes overgrown.
[597.0s] Bushes and vines and trees seem like this road hasn't been traveled in quite a long time.
[605.0s] So this is the way, Gru, are you?
[608.0s] You've been this way before.
[610.0s] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.
[613.0s] Of course, yeah.
[614.0s] Not a lot of people go to Badoosk, you know.
[617.0s] What a silly name.
[619.0s] I was under the impression that Badoosk was a fairly big city that many people traded in.
[625.0s] And I was just wondering, I thought we took the raft down that crazy fucking river
[630.0s] so that we didn't have to go through this forest.
[634.0s] Is that not...
[635.0s] Yeah, yeah.
[637.0s] Oh, look, a good place for us to camp.
[640.0s] A good camp spot right here, right off the side of the road.
[644.0s] What time of day is it right now?
[647.0s] Noon.
[650.0s] It's noon.
[653.0s] You can never camp too early.
[654.0s] You never know when you're going to find another good spot.
[656.0s] Look, there's a stream.
[658.0s] All right, it's the river we came down.
[659.0s] But you know, it's a good spot.
[662.0s] Does anyone else start to get the feeling that Gru maybe doesn't know what he's doing?
[666.0s] I don't have a lot of faith in his guiding abilities, but he's so fun.
[670.0s] Just seems sort of worth it, you know, just to be on the ride with him.
[674.0s] You guys are feeling...
[677.0s] You guys didn't drink any of that river water, did you?
[682.0s] I mean, yes.
[683.0s] Purposely.
[684.0s] Well, there was a lot of splashing. Some maybe got in my mouth.
[689.0s] I was just saying, normally where there would be levelheadedness and good judgment calls,
[697.0s] I feel like maybe that is now not the case.
[701.0s] We have row reversed and I feel like I'm a little bit out of my depth here.
[706.0s] You feel like we're like chomping your Flava a little bit.
[711.0s] What does that even mean?
[713.0s] Glynn, when did you learn to talk like that?
[715.0s] Oh, you teach her that?
[717.0s] I was in my Zumba class and he's been teaching me all these fun phrases and I just was trying it out.
[722.0s] It seemed awkward saying it, but you know, we were being more like you and it's making you uncomfortable.
[732.0s] Yes, and that also gives me reason to pause, but we don't have time for that.
[737.0s] Apparently we're setting up camp.
[739.0s] I mean, I don't think we have to set up camp.
[742.0s] I got the best spot here for you two, and I got another good spot for you.
[746.0s] Look, I gathered some kindling here.
[748.0s] I mean, a good spot is a good spot, but we can keep walking for a little bit and see if we find another.
[752.0s] Okay, fine. Don't listen to me. Let's walk.
[754.0s] Okay, it's been on you. Just remember, it's on you.
[756.0s] All right, let's go. Walk it on.
[758.0s] Okay.
[759.0s] Maybe the road will open up after we get past some of this overgrown bit here.
[766.0s] How far is it to produce, Gru?
[769.0s] It's a ways, you know?
[771.0s] I don't quite remember. It's been a while.
[773.0s] I mean, I was a kid when we went with my pa.
[775.0s] But it's a ways, you know?
[778.0s] I'm sure it's just going to fight my way through.
[780.0s] The brush is getting a little thick here.
[783.0s] Was anyone else under the impression that he'd been there recently and knew the way?
[788.0s] Previously he said, oh yeah, I've been there lots. I know the way.
[793.0s] I know the way. Where are you going? Come back. I know the way.
[797.0s] I know the way. I do. I know the way. Look, I see another spot ahead.
[801.0s] I'm going to go up to it. You guys catch up.
[804.0s] I feel like I'm hazy on it, but our interview process for this hiring.
[809.0s] We need to ask better questions.
[810.0s] I think we need to not drink when we do it, though. I think that might really be the pot that got us.
[816.0s] Do you think he has any relation to that famous Gru with all the minions?
[821.0s] Maybe.
[822.0s] Something to keep in mind.
[824.0s] You see Gru walking up ahead to a clearing that he sees.
[828.0s] And the three of you notice that it's near a large vine covered cave.
[836.0s] Hey, look at this. This protection from the rain. I'll go check it out.
[841.0s] Um, does it seem to be like a cloudy day?
[846.0s] No, it's quite sunny.
[848.0s] Okay. I nod at Gru and just like, yeah, buddy, you check that cave out.
[855.0s] I think I felt a sprinkle. You guys, I'm not entirely sure that he's totally with it, you know?
[860.0s] What if he's brought us up to the middle of the woods to murder us or something?
[863.0s] I mean, maybe, but why would he want to? He seems like maybe he doesn't have it in him.
[870.0s] Also, he just seems really gung-ho about everything.
[873.0s] And I don't really feel like that's murderer material.
[876.0s] Unless it's about murdering. Murderers are so gung-ho about murdering.
[880.0s] Okay.
[881.0s] That is true. Yeah.
[882.0s] We cut to Gru inside the cave and you kind of clear the vines away.
[886.0s] There's a small trickle of stream that kind of runs out.
[890.0s] And you give a listen and you hear like a low, like deep breathing growl coming from deeper within the cave.
[898.0s] Yo, get Gru's out of here. That was good enough for a cave.
[901.0s] Hey, guys. How are you doing? It's a nice cave.
[904.0s] I don't think we need to stop here though. Let's keep moving.
[907.0s] Look, it's noon. What am I doing? It's not even raining.
[910.0s] Okay.
[911.0s] So was there something in the cave or?
[914.0s] I'm guessing bugbear.
[916.0s] Yeah, no, I don't know. No, nothing in the cave.
[919.0s] You know, I was just looking in. It was fine. Not a big cave. Nothing to look at.
[923.0s] Let me just keep moving here. You know, I'm just going to start down the path here.
[927.0s] I'm going to get you all. Did I say Gru said he promised he's going to get you the beer or something.
[933.0s] I don't know. Whatever it was. I was going to get you there. I'm going to get you there.
[937.0s] How much you were paying this man?
[938.0s] Are we going to the wrong place?
[939.0s] Yeah, I just. I mean, I'm all for a little side adventure, but are we are we paying this man in money?
[947.0s] I don't remember.
[949.0s] He told us he just wanted to do it for the experience, didn't he?
[952.0s] That should have been a sign.
[953.0s] Oh, that should have been the first. Yeah, that's a red flag right there.
[956.0s] That's our bad right there.
[957.0s] That is. Yeah, that's on us.
[959.0s] But you know what? We'll go to the next town and maybe it'll be produced and maybe not.
[964.0s] But we can figure out where to go after that once we're there.
[967.0s] There will be someone there that probably knows how to get to Verdusk.
[972.0s] And if we get lost in this forest forever, we could just eat them.
[975.0s] OK, Sully, I don't. OK, that seems like a step in the too far direction.
[980.0s] We have a lot of supplies with us. It's not.
[983.0s] There's probably creatures and.
[985.0s] You know, what's the case scenario? What's the case scenario?
[988.0s] OK, you're following Gru? Yeah.
[991.0s] Gru, roll me a survival check, please.
[995.0s] Yeah, I'm right on that. Of course, right away.
[998.0s] Hold on just a second. I'm going to look at these stats over here.
[1002.0s] Negative two survival.
[1004.0s] Daniel Gru over here.
[1006.0s] Yeah, I'm rocking. I'm fucking rocking the survival here.
[1009.0s] I got a three. Oh, look at this. Hey, guys.
[1011.0s] Look, you ever hungry? You can just eat this vine.
[1013.0s] See it here on the ground just bobbing right in your mouth.
[1016.0s] Really doesn't taste good, but it's healthy.
[1018.0s] I don't give you give you good stuff.
[1020.0s] Is good stuff a different saying for diarrhea?
[1024.0s] No, no, I don't know. Maybe.
[1027.0s] You guys will continue to walk following Gru for another hour or so
[1033.0s] before you start to notice that he starts starts pointing out things that you don't see.
[1044.0s] OK, step step quietly here to the left.
[1047.0s] That's that's a tangle vine over there.
[1049.0s] And that'll do that. I'll eat your children.
[1051.0s] Right. So just this walk on the left side of the path here.
[1053.0s] You'll be safe.
[1056.0s] So we stay on the path.
[1058.0s] Yeah, we're to the left side right here.
[1060.0s] See step where I'm stepping. Yeah.
[1062.0s] OK, that on the that's a talking stone.
[1064.0s] You don't want to go near the talking stone.
[1066.0s] OK, just the skirt over here around it.
[1070.0s] Yes, I definitely don't see a large stone that needs to be avoided.
[1077.0s] Gru, how are you feeling?
[1080.0s] I don't know. I'm feeling a little strange.
[1082.0s] I got to say, just a little, little off.
[1084.0s] You know, sometimes we just feel like everything's OK, but not not everything's OK.
[1088.0s] You know, that kind of feeling.
[1090.0s] Feeling where you ate a large amount of a mysterious plant in the forest.
[1094.0s] And now you are seeing things that aren't there.
[1098.0s] Yeah, that kind of feeling. Yeah, I've been there for sure.
[1103.0s] Yeah, well, you know, we'll just don't talk to the small people here.
[1106.0s] Just don't talk to them. All right, I tried.
[1108.0s] It doesn't get you anywhere good.
[1110.0s] Gru, you hear movement up in and around the trees as you're going.
[1116.0s] It's good to know you're with me here, Sully,
[1118.0s] because I was starting to feel like I was going crazy, but now I know I'm crazy.
[1121.0s] So I can just ignore the sounds that I'm hearing right now,
[1124.0s] because they sound big and like they're moving towards us.
[1127.0s] Do I hear any sounds?
[1129.0s] Can I make a perception check?
[1132.0s] Yeah, I mean, you stop and you listen.
[1135.0s] You hear just the gentle breeze passing through,
[1140.0s] but nothing particularly tuned to an animal or anything.
[1145.0s] Yeah, buddy, don't worry. Everything's fine.
[1149.0s] Oh, thanks, Sully.
[1151.0s] We're going to get you to a doctor.
[1153.0s] I'm not sure why we're still following you, though, to be honest.
[1159.0s] I mean, it's just sort of the roughest outline of a path.
[1163.0s] We may as well follow it.
[1165.0s] Yeah, it's like a contract, right?
[1167.0s] You know, it's a contract.
[1169.0s] I got to get you to Burdesca or whatever. Yeah.
[1173.0s] You guys are going to burlesque, right?
[1177.0s] It's not far off now, I'm sure. I'm sure.
[1180.0s] Can I try and heal him since I already have established I'm into that today?
[1185.0s] Sure, yeah.
[1187.0s] What are you trying to do?
[1188.0s] Well, so with my lay on hands pool,
[1190.0s] I can cure a disease or neutralize a poison affecting a creature,
[1197.0s] which is going to be nothing, but I feel like I should try
[1200.0s] because Glim doesn't know what's going on with him.
[1204.0s] Go for it.
[1206.0s] Hey, Gru, and I just like put my hand on his shoulder.
[1209.0s] How are you doing, buddy? You feel like you can?
[1212.0s] Hey.
[1213.0s] You're okay to keep walking?
[1215.0s] Yeah, yeah, I like this camaraderie. It's good. Yeah, yeah.
[1219.0s] So yeah, does that do anything?
[1221.0s] Does that neutralize a poison or make him better?
[1224.0s] Yeah, Gru, as you're looking around,
[1226.0s] the talking stone and the whipping vine
[1230.0s] and the swaying trees that look like they're moving closer to you
[1234.0s] all kind of move back into place and fade away.
[1239.0s] Whew.
[1242.0s] Yeah, okay, let's just keep moving, huh?
[1245.0s] Let's just keep moving here.
[1247.0s] Don't talk to that tree.
[1249.0s] Okay.
[1251.0s] So tell me more about this Burduque burlesque. That sounds fun.
[1255.0s] A Burduque? Yeah, no, my dad.
[1257.0s] My dad took me many times, right?
[1259.0s] Many times took me to Burduque.
[1261.0s] We'd go to Burduque, hang out, eat a sandwich.
[1263.0s] Really good onion sandwiches in Burduque.
[1265.0s] The best onion sandwiches, I always say. The best.
[1268.0s] Now, is it just onion or is there more to it than just the onion?
[1272.0s] You won't believe me, but it's just onion on a bun.
[1276.0s] But it's like nothing you've ever had, I say.
[1278.0s] Nothing. Like nothing.
[1280.0s] Does sauce on it anything?
[1282.0s] No, it's got an onion sauce. An onion sauce on onion on a bun.
[1286.0s] Is it an onion bun?
[1288.0s] Oh, maybe that's the secret. I never thought to ask.
[1295.0s] You've traveled, you're following Gru still for whatever reason.
[1299.0s] For some reason.
[1301.0s] For what seems like a really long time.
[1304.0s] But based on his direction, the path has kind of waned off and you're following him.
[1310.0s] And after what's probably, I don't know, two or three more hours, it's getting nearer to evening.
[1318.0s] You make it back to a spot that is very familiar in that it looks like the cave.
[1325.0s] Whoa, hold on. There's another cave.
[1328.0s] Can I do a perception check to see if I can see some chewed up vine where he took a big bite out of it?
[1335.0s] Sure, yeah.
[1339.0s] That is a 20.
[1341.0s] Yeah, I mean, you look around and exactly where he took a bite near the previous cave is a big chomp out of vine.
[1350.0s] And the more you look at it, the more you realize that this is the same cave as previous.
[1355.0s] Well, guys, number one, please nobody eat any of the vine.
[1361.0s] Okay, I think I can handle that.
[1363.0s] We've all learned that lesson, I hope.
[1365.0s] Number two, this is definitely the clearing we were already at.
[1369.0s] Yeah, this cave looks really familiar. I never forget a big hole.
[1373.0s] Oh, I suppose you all, you guys are the leaders now, huh? You're the scouts, yeah? Okay, go ahead.
[1379.0s] I mean, Gru, I think you're the one that brought us back here. I don't...
[1382.0s] Did we walk in circles or are we magically back here? Does anyone have any idea how this happened?
[1388.0s] Oh, God, last time I was in the woods, I suddenly ended up in a different place.
[1393.0s] Gru, make an investigation check.
[1400.0s] 12.
[1401.0s] As you're examining the cave, making up excuses and doing all that, you're keenly tuned to certain things and you notice some footprints.
[1412.0s] I am?
[1413.0s] I think so. I think so. For story-wise, you're going to have to be.
[1417.0s] Okay, I notice footprints.
[1419.0s] You notice some footprints that seem a very familiar size, headed off following the direction that you guys had left the cave from.
[1428.0s] They look like they've been tried to be covered, but you make the outline of them.
[1434.0s] Okay, I think you're right. I think this is the cave I brought back to. You know what? I got a new idea.
[1439.0s] Let's double-time it to the raft, we'll fix and repair the raft, and then we'll take the raft back down to produce.
[1445.0s] You don't have to walk. I agree. Sully, you were right from the beginning. I'm so sorry. We should just take the raft.
[1453.0s] Hold on, let me bask in this revelation because I don't get to hear these words very often.
[1459.0s] However, what you are suggesting is between now and nightfall that we double back, change the raft into a wagon?
[1468.0s] No, we repair the raft as a raft.
[1471.0s] And then we continue?
[1474.0s] On the raft? Yeah. To produce.
[1478.0s] We didn't continue on the raft before because...
[1484.0s] I thought a straw would do us good. A constitutional, my dad said. Why don't you take a constitutional? It's good for the soul.
[1491.0s] Oh, okay. I looked at the others like, oh, I don't know what...
[1498.0s] And what time is it now? So it's probably like 5 p.m.?
[1502.0s] Yeah, but I'm thinking now let's double time to the raft.
[1507.0s] Or maybe we could just push the raft into the water, fix it enough, and just camp on the water. Yeah.
[1514.0s] Camping on the water seems like a risky move on our part.
[1518.0s] Especially, I mean, we get back just in time to fix it, maybe before dark, and then on the river in the dark with the rapids. It doesn't seem safe.
[1528.0s] Also, why are you so sketchy all of a sudden? Is it because of that thing that's in the cave that you were so scared of?
[1534.0s] No, not anymore. Zoe, can I talk to you over here just by the talking tree?
[1541.0s] Yep.
[1543.0s] Zoe, I feel like we're connected back there, right? I feel like you get me.
[1548.0s] Oh yeah, for sure. I've been high on so many things.
[1551.0s] I may have done something in the last town where I met you that there may be some people looking for me, and maybe we should just not be here.
[1564.0s] What'd you do?
[1566.0s] It doesn't matter, but right now we just need to not be here.
[1570.0s] Stop.
[1572.0s] It really needs to not be there.
[1575.0s] What if we could help you solve your problem? If they're here for you, they're just going to follow us up the river anyway.
[1582.0s] Yeah, I'm not sure how they followed us here, because we took the raft. It's the only raft.
[1588.0s] Was it your raft?
[1591.0s] Um, not exactly.
[1595.0s] Okay, so you stole someone's raft, and now they're after you, and they've put us...
[1599.0s] I borrowed it. I repurposed it slightly.
[1602.0s] And now they're here to exact their revenge.
[1607.0s] Yeah, maybe.
[1609.0s] Cool. And they've trapped us in some sort of, like, forest... loop?
[1617.0s] Yeah! It's a magical forest loop! You got it!
[1621.0s] And you think we're actually going to be able to get out of this magical forest loop by just going in the opposite direction?
[1627.0s] I didn't think of that, Zoe. This is why I'm glad I talked to you. You got the brains here. You need to help me.
[1634.0s] Okay. I... I need to look back to my group. And I haven't been talking quietly. I don't know how far we are from you.
[1642.0s] We're like five feet away.
[1644.0s] I think we got it. I think we should let them in on it, because you know what? The three of us, we're a team. We're the Three Muskiritos.
[1651.0s] Wow! Yeah, I've never... I've never... I've always dreamed of having a team! That'd be amazing!
[1657.0s] Whoa, hold on.
[1659.0s] Yeah, let's do it! Okay, guys, come on! Come on! Let's team it up here!
[1663.0s] The Three Muskiritos!
[1666.0s] Yeah, the Three Muskiritos!
[1668.0s] One, two, three. Yep.
[1671.0s] Yeah.
[1672.0s] Alright, you guys, we've got a little bit of a situation here.
[1675.0s] Yeah, I figured. What's going on?
[1678.0s] Well, you probably heard, because, um, well, uh, Gru just screams things all the time.
[1684.0s] He's a little yelly.
[1686.0s] But he has absolutely completely stolen that raft, refurbished it of some way, somehow, I don't know.
[1693.0s] And then people are after him, and maybe they've stuck us in some sort of foresty time loop.
[1700.0s] Oh.
[1701.0s] Which I feel like is more than we bargained for.
[1703.0s] Yeah, it's all I took was the raft. That's it. I swear.
[1706.0s] I mean, you saying that now...
[1708.0s] Yeah, what else did you take?
[1710.0s] ...makes it seem like that's not the case.
[1713.0s] Was there an easier way to get to Badoosk other than the raft, because you'd stolen the raft, we had to take that? Is that what happened?
[1720.0s] Did you only take the job to Badoosk to get away from some other shady shit that you had going on?
[1726.0s] It's got to be that one, right?
[1727.0s] Guys!
[1728.0s] It's got to be that one.
[1729.0s] Guys, I think they're here! I hear them! They're in the trees right now! We should be quiet!
[1735.0s] I mean...
[1736.0s] Do I hear anything?
[1737.0s] Blast houses, Rue.
[1742.0s] You listen for a while, and you hear... yeah, you do hear... something in the trees, yeah.
[1748.0s] Okay, so it's not completely a nut job. There's something in the trees.
[1751.0s] Maybe we should wake up to something that's in the cave, and they'll fight to something that's in the trees.
[1756.0s] Yeah! So, I can see why you're the brains of the operation!
[1761.0s] That's right, Rue, you get in there, you wake up that bugbear, whatever the fuck is in there, and it'll take care of the situation for us.
[1767.0s] I'll be over here.
[1768.0s] Wait, what? I don't know if I should be the one to go in the cave, you know?
[1772.0s] You don't have to go in the cave, just keep talking the way you're talking, just slightly toward the opening of the cave, and that'll do the trick.
[1778.0s] Yeah. Oh, why? Why? You want me to be loud and wake up the thing in the cave? Okay.
[1784.0s] I don't really think it's a matter of want at this point.
[1788.0s] It's just embracing, like, what is, just embracing reality and loudness.
[1793.0s] Just using the natural strengths you have.
[1795.0s] Exactly.
[1796.0s] Yeah, yeah, my strengths, I can talk it up, I can do this!
[1799.0s] While you're talking loudly, maybe you could answer, who's after you? What do we have to deal with?
[1804.0s] Or what does the creature in the cave have to deal with, however that plays out?
[1808.0s] Yeah, you know, it's just a couple of brothers, you know, nothing, just a couple of brothers maybe might have followed me here, that's all.
[1815.0s] Yeah, that's all. I was hoping we'd get out of town fast.
[1820.0s] Well, they got a funny name, the brothers, you know, it's just a funny name, it's hysterical, it's a funny name, that's all, you know, yeah.
[1834.0s] Well, they're just called the Scrap Killer Brothers, you know, it's just a funny name.
[1839.0s] The Scrap Killer Brothers?
[1841.0s] Yeah.
[1843.0s] That's a lot better than the Three Muskiritos, I have to say.
[1846.0s] Yeah, maybe we should consider toughening up the team name a little.
[1852.0s] Well, it depends on what kind of vibe we want to give to people, I guess.
[1857.0s] Hey, if we take them out, we can be the Three Scaparillas!
[1863.0s] I think we're gonna workshop it a little more.
[1865.0s] Yeah.
[1866.0s] Right, I get that, I get that.
[1868.0s] So there's only two of them then?
[1870.0s] Yeah, well, usually, sometimes, you know, it's a big family.
[1876.0s] Well, how many brothers are there?
[1879.0s] Well, technically there's nine, but they don't always come out all together, you know, you see, you know, I only dealt with like two of them, but, you know, it's a, you know, it's a family.
[1890.0s] Alright, are they, is there anything specifically very frightening about them?
[1895.0s] Are they like, like, stabby kind of people, or like magic, or are they giant ogres, or?
[1906.0s] Well, the word kill isn't their name, I just want to point that out.
[1909.0s] Well, there's so many ways to kill somebody though, Gru.
[1913.0s] Well, I don't know, everyone who's crossed them sort of goes missing, you know?
[1917.0s] And you willfully cross them.
[1920.0s] Well, no, no, it was just a small misunderstanding, you see.
[1925.0s] Yeah.
[1926.0s] You hear a low voice come from the trees, a ways off based on what you're hearing, and you hear Gru.
[1940.0s] Come here, buddy.
[1941.0s] Okay, I'm gonna go in the cave and wake up whatever's in there, I'll be right back.
[1945.0s] Do it, man, I think this is a fucking awesome idea.
[1950.0s] Welcome to the middle.
[1961.0s] See how I jumped in?
[1962.0s] Oh, hey, it's the middle.
[1963.0s] I like it.
[1964.0s] It's the middle.
[1965.0s] I like this new take charge Amy that we got going on.
[1968.0s] She's new?
[1969.0s] No, but taking charge of.
[1970.0s] Well, when it comes to the middle.
[1971.0s] Taking charge of the middle.
[1972.0s] New.
[1973.0s] Fresh, exciting.
[1974.0s] I love it.
[1975.0s] So great.
[1976.0s] Well, it's just, you know, they just heard my voice all of a sudden off the top, how weird.
[1979.0s] Yeah.
[1980.0s] Russ is scared to say anything now.
[1981.0s] No, now he wants to see.
[1982.0s] I'm just gonna let you run.
[1983.0s] He wants to see what you're gonna do.
[1984.0s] He just wants to see if we can do it.
[1985.0s] And he's like, she doesn't even know what happens in the middle.
[1988.0s] Listen here, folks.
[1989.0s] I know what happens in the middle.
[1990.0s] This is where we talk about all of our wonderful things we have going on.
[1994.0s] Like first up, Patreon.
[1996.0s] Our patrons are like the most awesome people in the entire world.
[2000.0s] And what we like to do with them sometimes is once a month we have a Google hangout.
[2007.0s] They used to be called gook hangs, but now it's just like a hangout time.
[2011.0s] And what did we do today, Tom?
[2012.0s] Or yesterday, Tom?
[2014.0s] We played Jackbox games and it was super fun.
[2017.0s] And with not only between us, but also with our patrons.
[2020.0s] Yeah.
[2021.0s] So we played with some of our patrons and we're going to maybe do it again sometime
[2024.0s] in the next month because, you know, the world's a bit crazy right now.
[2027.0s] We could all use some fun and some social interaction apart.
[2033.0s] That's right.
[2034.0s] Yes.
[2035.0s] It's a really distant interaction.
[2037.0s] Exactly.
[2038.0s] And Amy, where do people go on Patreon to find our Patreon?
[2041.0s] Where they go on Patreon to find our Patreon.
[2043.0s] Let me tell you about Patreon, Tom.
[2045.0s] They go to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2049.0s] Russ nodded.
[2051.0s] Russ nodded.
[2052.0s] He's very proud.
[2055.0s] That's how I earn my time.
[2057.0s] No, but our patrons are super funny.
[2059.0s] They're super great.
[2060.0s] And we would love you to become one.
[2062.0s] And if you can't though, that's cool too.
[2064.0s] We have so much awesome stuff going on just like on the regular feed.
[2068.0s] You know who else has awesome stuff going on?
[2071.0s] Sean.
[2072.0s] Sean.
[2073.0s] This week's guest.
[2074.0s] Yeah.
[2075.0s] He's so great.
[2076.0s] And I say that as someone who has all the reason in the world to have a grudge against him.
[2080.0s] Yes, that's true.
[2081.0s] So if you know that Carla said it, you know it's true.
[2084.0s] But he's the best.
[2085.0s] He's so fun when he comes on our show.
[2088.0s] And you know what that translates into?
[2090.0s] His shows are also amazing.
[2092.0s] That's true.
[2093.0s] He doesn't save it just for us.
[2094.0s] He also puts that much fun and effort into his.
[2097.0s] He's on Alba Salix as well as The End of Time and Other Brothers.
[2102.0s] The End of Time and Other Brothers, yeah.
[2104.0s] So you should listen to those shows.
[2106.0s] Oh, and DM to GM with our very own Russ More.
[2109.0s] And DM to GM.
[2112.0s] Russ is pointing at his dick.
[2114.0s] I'm not entirely sure.
[2115.0s] No, he really was pointing at his penis.
[2117.0s] I'm sorry, but that is what was happening.
[2119.0s] I don't know what he was wanting us to say.
[2121.0s] I'm not entirely sure.
[2122.0s] He's gone selective nudism at this moment because he's so sharp.
[2125.0s] Was he pointing at the shirt that he's wearing?
[2127.0s] I mean, he's pointing at Discord.
[2129.0s] Or, oh, all the links will be found below.
[2132.0s] Oh, there we go.
[2134.0s] That makes so much more sense.
[2136.0s] That makes much more sense than him pointing at his dick.
[2139.0s] So no, all the information can be found in the links below.
[2144.0s] No more information about my husband's dick, unfortunately.
[2147.0s] Just information about Sean's podcasts.
[2152.0s] I want to be very specific.
[2153.0s] And our Patreon and everything else that we have going on.
[2155.0s] Absolutely.
[2156.0s] That was like the lowest pressure middle I've ever had to do.
[2159.0s] So thanks, everybody.
[2160.0s] That was great.
[2161.0s] No problem.
[2162.0s] See, we can do stuff.
[2163.0s] All right.
[2164.0s] Like once a year we can do stuff.
[2166.0s] Once a year the three of us can do what you normally do.
[2168.0s] Yeah, if you could not charades on the side.
[2170.0s] Super confusing.
[2171.0s] Two out of three of us thought you were pointing at your dick.
[2173.0s] I mean, kind of also was, but you got there.
[2176.0s] I did.
[2177.0s] You got there.
[2178.0s] Thanks, everybody.
[2179.0s] We'll get you back to the episode now.
[2181.0s] That's all.
[2182.0s] I'm just here to cut everything off and send you back to the show.
[2184.0s] OK, bye.
[2185.0s] We're going on forever.
[2186.0s] Love you.
[2187.0s] Bye.
[2188.0s] Bye.
[2189.0s] Bye.
[2190.0s] You guys, I think we should maybe hide in the trees.
[2192.0s] I don't know.
[2193.0s] I think for right now, I mean, I need some more information about these Scrap Killer
[2197.0s] brothers.
[2198.0s] And there's nine of them and maybe they're giant ogres or who knows.
[2201.0s] Yeah, let's hide and get some some some intel.
[2204.0s] I like I think that's a good idea.
[2206.0s] And we definitely hide and not tell Guru about it.
[2210.0s] When he comes out, there's no one.
[2212.0s] The three of you make stealth checks.
[2216.0s] Twenty five.
[2218.0s] Sixteen.
[2219.0s] Seventeen.
[2220.0s] OK, you three run off and you hide in the trees.
[2223.0s] As far as you're concerned, you're hiding very well.
[2226.0s] Guru, you bound off into the cave.
[2229.0s] You push through the vines again, kind of stomp into the stream and you hear
[2235.0s] that low growl coming from the back of the cave again.
[2239.0s] So Gru's just literally stepping through the vines and immediately going to the
[2243.0s] side of the cave and just like shaking against the wall.
[2246.0s] OK.
[2249.0s] The three of you are standing out there waiting and you're waiting for a few
[2252.0s] minutes before you hear the voice again.
[2256.0s] It actually continues on and off throughout this last couple of minutes.
[2261.0s] Gru.
[2263.0s] Come on, buddy, we don't want to hurt you.
[2267.0s] And then stepping out into the clearing, coming the way you guys came back, are two
[2273.0s] hulking human males, big, beefy arms, like arms bigger than any of your necks.
[2282.0s] They walk out.
[2284.0s] They're wearing torn, tattered jeans, button up shirts.
[2291.0s] They have each of them has like two large daggers on either side and a machete on the
[2300.0s] back of on their backs.
[2303.0s] And they step out into the clearing and they're kind of looking down at the
[2308.0s] footprints and they say, Gru, we know you're here, friend.
[2314.0s] You just have to come out and talk to us.
[2316.0s] That's all.
[2319.0s] And they wait a moment.
[2323.0s] You wait and they look at each other and then they start looking at the footprints
[2329.0s] and they see that they go off in several different directions.
[2333.0s] And one of them starts following towards where Glim had run off.
[2342.0s] Doesn't look like they've noticed you, but they're following your footprints.
[2346.0s] The other one is following footprints that head towards the cave.
[2351.0s] I would like to ready an action.
[2352.0s] If I notice that this dude gets too close to where Glim is hiding, I am going to
[2361.0s] shoot him with my short bow.
[2364.0s] I am also going to ready an action.
[2366.0s] But my action is just a punch, just an unarmed strike.
[2371.0s] I don't know about this Gru.
[2373.0s] I don't know about these dudes.
[2375.0s] I can't just be killing people.
[2378.0s] Gru, you hear footsteps walking towards the cave.
[2383.0s] Gru, come out, come out, buddy.
[2390.0s] So Gru is putting his hand on his dagger.
[2393.0s] Okay.
[2394.0s] But not drawing it.
[2395.0s] Okay.
[2396.0s] The man walking was following where Glim went.
[2400.0s] I was searching around for a rock or something I could throw towards the back
[2403.0s] of the cave.
[2405.0s] Yep.
[2406.0s] You definitely find that.
[2407.0s] Yep.
[2408.0s] Do you throw it?
[2409.0s] Yep.
[2410.0s] You throw that and you hear like a argh.
[2414.0s] And it turns out it's just a pile of puppies in the back.
[2417.0s] Oh great.
[2419.0s] Back outside you see the man walking towards where Glim was and gets within
[2426.0s] five or ten feet.
[2427.0s] Sully, you can see Glim hidden behind a...
[2432.0s] What are you hidden behind?
[2433.0s] Talking rock.
[2434.0s] I know.
[2435.0s] I'm like, well we're in the woods so I guess like a tree?
[2438.0s] Okay.
[2439.0s] Perfect.
[2440.0s] I'll let you pick.
[2441.0s] You see Glim huddled behind a tree, fist cocked, ready to go.
[2446.0s] But you see him stepping towards her.
[2448.0s] So if you're going to take a shot, he's walking towards not stopping.
[2453.0s] I would also like to do a little something.
[2457.0s] Alright, while she's got ready to action then you can do what you want to do.
[2460.0s] Okay.
[2462.0s] I'm going to let loose my short bow thingy.
[2471.0s] You gotta roll.
[2472.0s] I know.
[2473.0s] But I'm not aiming for him.
[2476.0s] I'm going to aim for the tree beside his head because he's coming up to the tree, right?
[2481.0s] Yep.
[2482.0s] Yeah.
[2483.0s] Wait, so the tree I'm hiding behind or a different tree?
[2488.0s] Yep.
[2489.0s] The tree you're hiding behind.
[2490.0s] Okay.
[2491.0s] It's a 17.
[2493.0s] Okay.
[2494.0s] Yeah.
[2495.0s] I'm sure it wouldn't take very much to hit a non-moving object.
[2500.0s] Tree that's big enough for me to hide behind.
[2502.0s] I'm pretty big.
[2503.0s] Exactly.
[2504.0s] Your crossbow bolt flies and sticks into the tree and the guy looks up and says,
[2509.0s] And he's following a line of sight to where you shot the crossbow bolt.
[2514.0s] Inside the cave, you hear movement from the back of the cave.
[2517.0s] As the vines begin to part, you see the big hand of Eugene reaching through the vines.
[2529.0s] Alright, I draw the dagger.
[2531.0s] What happens when you draw the dagger?
[2534.0s] Music starts to play.
[2536.0s] What kind of music?
[2540.0s] What music?
[2541.0s] Yeah.
[2542.0s] No idea.
[2543.0s] I'm so horrible at music.
[2546.0s] You stole me.
[2547.0s] I told you not to steal me.
[2549.0s] You stole me.
[2550.0s] You turned gone in the cave and you stole me, stole me.
[2554.0s] And I try and stab the hand.
[2558.0s] Roll with advantage because I mean up until that moment, he didn't know where you were.
[2564.0s] So I'll give you that.
[2566.0s] I rolled two two's back to back.
[2568.0s] So that's a nine.
[2570.0s] That's right.
[2572.0s] Get your own dice stick, man.
[2576.0s] That's a nine.
[2578.0s] As soon as it starts singing, you hear just a loud roar, growl-ish roar coming from the back of the cave.
[2585.0s] And you stab for the hand, but go far wide.
[2590.0s] And then another hand grabs you by the scruff of the neck and yanks you out of the cave and says that dagger should be singing for me, grew.
[2599.0s] Okay.
[2600.0s] And I shove it into his mouth.
[2605.0s] Scruff of the neck.
[2606.0s] Sure.
[2607.0s] So you're shoving it in to stab him in the face?
[2609.0s] Yeah.
[2610.0s] Oh.
[2611.0s] Alright.
[2612.0s] Roll with advantage.
[2613.0s] Oh, that's better.
[2615.0s] Not natural 20.
[2616.0s] Okay.
[2617.0s] Describe to me what it looks like when you stab this man in the mouth.
[2621.0s] I just blindly close my eyes and shove it at his face.
[2627.0s] 12 damage.
[2628.0s] 12?
[2629.0s] No, 13 damage.
[2630.0s] 13?
[2631.0s] Okay.
[2632.0s] Oh no, I rolled a D6.
[2634.0s] Sorry.
[2636.0s] This is very confusing.
[2638.0s] Okay.
[2639.0s] Eight damage.
[2640.0s] You stab this man square in the mouth as he opens up and says that was supposed to be my dagger, grew.
[2648.0s] And on grew it goes into his palate and he screams as it's now lodged in his mouth, singing out.
[2657.0s] What's it singing, Amy?
[2659.0s] Oh no, you stabbed him.
[2661.0s] Oh, you stabbed him in the mouth.
[2663.0s] I can't believe it.
[2665.0s] No, I didn't.
[2666.0s] I didn't mean to.
[2668.0s] The man who was following the cross bolt turns around and says what's going on here?
[2672.0s] And he starts to run towards grew and the other man.
[2677.0s] I totally stay where I am because I feel like this is none of my business.
[2682.0s] You get dropped, grew, so he lets you go and he's trying to pull the dagger back out.
[2689.0s] Okay.
[2691.0s] What do you want to do?
[2693.0s] I don't know.
[2696.0s] I'm going to, the other guy is running towards them, right?
[2699.0s] Yep.
[2700.0s] I'm going to cast frostbite in the area that the man is running towards, so basically right in front of him.
[2706.0s] Okay.
[2707.0s] And as I cast this spell, which I'm pretty sure I do have to roll for.
[2712.0s] I think it's a...
[2714.0s] Oh no, he'll have to do a save.
[2716.0s] It's a thing that happens automatically.
[2718.0s] Okay.
[2719.0s] As I reach my hand out and go to cast this spell, but instead of frostbite, all of a sudden I have cast crate bonfire,
[2729.0s] even though I don't know the name of that spell, but I've created a bonfire on the ground directly in front of where this man is running.
[2738.0s] Okay.
[2739.0s] I'm going to say deck saving throw at disadvantage and he rolls a 10.
[2745.0s] Alright, that is not good enough.
[2747.0s] So he stumbles forward as he's running towards Gru and falls face first into the open flame.
[2754.0s] And now he's screaming as his clothes alight and the man pulls the dagger and blood begins spurting out.
[2763.0s] So graphic.
[2764.0s] And the dagger sings, I wanted to break free.
[2770.0s] And then I got free.
[2773.0s] Gru, take me with you so we can have much more fun like this.
[2782.0s] Gru starts vomiting.
[2789.0s] Okay.
[2790.0s] So you have a man on fire.
[2791.0s] He's like trying to push himself up and out.
[2793.0s] There's a man bleeding profusely out of his mouth.
[2797.0s] He's gagging and grasping for air.
[2800.0s] The three of you are hiding behind trees or rocks or something.
[2803.0s] What do you do?
[2804.0s] Gru has doubled over vomiting.
[2805.0s] And Gru's vomiting.
[2806.0s] Moot just stares at his hand like that's not what was supposed to happen.
[2811.0s] So he's in a little bit of shock right now.
[2814.0s] I mean, I was sort of hanging back because it just seems like some criminal on criminal violence and I'm not sure how invested I am.
[2821.0s] Yeah, same here.
[2822.0s] I just wanted him away from Glim.
[2826.0s] Did it?
[2827.0s] And now people are on fire.
[2830.0s] Now he's been stabbed.
[2831.0s] So I think that now I'll come out into the clearing.
[2835.0s] Yeah, maybe me too.
[2836.0s] Just kind of like walk up and look.
[2839.0s] What's going on?
[2842.0s] It's a fucked up situation.
[2845.0s] Moot, nice work with the getting us ready for camp with the fire.
[2850.0s] The man in the fire begins screaming.
[2857.0s] I guess I'll go pull him out of the fire.
[2861.0s] I mean, I'm immune to it.
[2863.0s] It's not going to hurt me.
[2864.0s] Yeah, that's fine.
[2865.0s] At least I could do, I guess.
[2867.0s] You pull him out.
[2868.0s] His clothes are completely like burned off of him.
[2873.0s] He's lying there and he looks over to Gru and he says,
[2877.0s] There's more coming, Gru.
[2879.0s] And he passes out.
[2883.0s] OK, so from what I've been watching on the sidelines, this is like a fucking soap opera.
[2888.0s] You stole his singing knife.
[2892.0s] It wasn't really his, you know.
[2896.0s] So how many things have you stolen?
[2898.0s] Get a hold of yourself, man.
[2900.0s] You got a little vomit there.
[2902.0s] Sorry, thanks.
[2905.0s] See, it wasn't his.
[2907.0s] He was going to steal it.
[2909.0s] And then I just, it sang to me.
[2911.0s] It was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life.
[2915.0s] So I took it and I ran away.
[2919.0s] But they were going to steal it from the goblins.
[2921.0s] It just wanted their jam.
[2923.0s] They murdered so many of them.
[2926.0s] Well, I can't say I'm awfully sad about that.
[2928.0s] Those fucking turnt goblins took all our money.
[2930.0s] They did take all our money.
[2932.0s] After we made that huge investment in their economic development.
[2936.0s] Yeah, it's really, that's what hurt the most.
[2939.0s] It's just a massacre of goblins and jam.
[2941.0s] And I just took the dagger and ran.
[2945.0s] So you've been on the run ever since?
[2947.0s] Yeah.
[2948.0s] And then I ran into you and you were all looking for a guide.
[2951.0s] And I said, well, I can help you.
[2954.0s] But really, I was just desperate.
[2956.0s] I needed to get out of town.
[2958.0s] See?
[2959.0s] Every time I took the knife out of its scabbard,
[2961.0s] it started doing what it's doing right now, singing.
[2964.0s] We killed them so good.
[2968.0s] See?
[2970.0s] Well, maybe you could put that back in the scabbard.
[2973.0s] Yeah.
[2974.0s] And then maybe you could just leave it on one of their bodies.
[2979.0s] But they're both still alive, I think, right?
[2981.0s] Yeah.
[2982.0s] And then we could just whistle and walk away.
[2986.0s] And at this moment, you realize Sully couldn't whistle.
[2989.0s] You hear like a gargle coming from the man who was stabbed in the throat,
[2993.0s] like just his like last breath, like,
[2996.0s] and he stops moving.
[2999.0s] But I feel like now he can't really use it, you know?
[3003.0s] Well, yeah, but the burnt up guy is probably going to be fine.
[3007.0s] Yeah, you're right.
[3008.0s] I'll just leave it with him.
[3010.0s] I'll just go tuck it here in his shirt.
[3012.0s] And they definitely won't come after you for killing this other guy
[3016.0s] in the throat with the knife.
[3018.0s] Oh, God, you're right.
[3019.0s] What am I thinking?
[3021.0s] Oh, God.
[3023.0s] Well, it's a good time as any to have a camp, I guess.
[3029.0s] Moot, you got that fire going already.
[3031.0s] Thanks, buddy.
[3032.0s] Yeah.
[3033.0s] Should we be concerned about what's in that cave over there?
[3037.0s] In that moment, a giant bug bear bursts from the vines.
[3043.0s] Arrrrrgh!
[3046.0s] I fucking knew it.
[3048.0s] And charges towards Sully.
[3051.0s] Please, we don't know who stand and where.
[3053.0s] I'm just placing you in my mind.
[3055.0s] Charges towards Sully.
[3056.0s] Place me right in front of the bug bear is what you're doing.
[3058.0s] Gru shoves Sully out of the way.
[3061.0s] Sully, look out!
[3063.0s] The grug, the grug bear.
[3066.0s] The bugbear comes flying...
[3067.4s] It's one of those nasty grub bears that eats grubs!
[3070.7s] ...with two claws.
[3072.8s] One of them goes wide, the other one catches Gru straight across the chest as he pushes Sully out of the way.
[3078.2s] Gru, you're gonna take...
[3080.2s] ...seven points of slashing damage.
[3082.7s] I'm gonna take half of that, because I'm Candy Dodge, because I totally thought about this in advance when I did something that looked like it might have been selfless.
[3089.9s] Oh, shit.
[3090.7s] The bugbear is now in the center of you, and he's...
[3094.1s] ...he's just kind of standing waiting.
[3096.5s] Looking...
[3097.3s] ...seeing what's going on, smelling the blood that's in the air, the burnt, charred corpse.
[3103.8s] I'm gonna disengage and slowly back away, going,
[3107.0s] Look at all this fresh meat here, Mr. Grub Bear!
[3111.1s] Uh, roll persuasion.
[3116.2s] Fifteen...
[3117.8s] ...plus...
[3118.9s] ...nine.
[3119.6s] Whoa.
[3120.1s] No wonder why you took him as a guide, he's very persuasive.
[3122.9s] Yeah, very persuasive.
[3124.4s] Uh, it looks to you...
[3126.0s] ...and then it looks down at the bodies there, and starts moving...
[3130.0s] Yummy, yum, yum!
[3131.8s] ...starts moving slowly towards the charred, unconscious man.
[3136.6s] I'm gonna move away from him, because I did just pull him out of the fire.
[3139.3s] Yeah, let's all move away.
[3140.3s] I'm just gonna back up slowly, but I'm gonna raise my arm so I look really big.
[3144.0s] Uh, I'm gonna Homer Simpson into the shrub, just like, just vanish slowly.
[3149.4s] Um, you see, as you all kind of back away and disperse from the scene,
[3154.3s] the bugbear, like, senses that the guy is still alive, and takes one swipe across its throat,
[3161.1s] and then starts dragging the bodies back into its cave.
[3164.4s] With the knife still on the body?
[3165.4s] With the knife still tucked into his shirt?
[3167.2s] Well, I may have forgotten to actually tuck it in the shirt, I was gonna, you know?
[3172.1s] I was really meanin' to do it, but you know, there's a lot happenin' at the time!
[3176.8s] It falls off, just bumps off right at the mouth of the cave.
[3181.2s] Does it start singing?
[3182.2s] Jump?
[3183.2s] Is that pulling it out of its scabbard?
[3185.7s] Did you sheath it when you put it back?
[3188.0s] I never put it in a shirt.
[3189.9s] Oh.
[3190.9s] Don't leave me now.
[3195.2s] How could I?
[3196.6s] Gru come back, don't leave me now.
[3202.2s] I'm here for you, darlin', I got you, I got you!
[3205.2s] Gru, you run over, make a dexterity saving throw.
[3208.5s] Uh, fourteen plus six, twenty.
[3214.3s] You run to the dagger as it's singing towards you, and you pick it up, and narrowly miss
[3221.1s] a giant claw that comes out and tries to pull you into the cave as you back up.
[3226.6s] Well, I'm big!
[3229.3s] Talk about disrespect!
[3230.8s] Gave you two bodies!
[3235.2s] Not one, but two bodies.
[3238.8s] Two bodies.
[3239.8s] Two bodies.
[3240.8s] Two bodies.
[3241.8s] Anybody got a sheath for this thing, cause it won't stop singing?
[3249.5s] What happened to the one you had?
[3250.9s] Is it the one still on your body?
[3252.6s] Did you like?
[3253.6s] Oh, yeah.
[3254.6s] Yeah, that's a good idea.
[3255.6s] Alright, I'll sheath it.
[3257.2s] Okay, well maybe we go back to the river, and we all just kinda go our separate ways,
[3265.0s] and never talk about the situation again.
[3267.2s] Yeah, no, it makes sense, yeah.
[3270.4s] The four of you walk back to the river where the ship was.
[3273.4s] Was?
[3274.4s] Hmm, was.
[3275.4s] And see-
[3276.4s] I may have tethered the lines and put a hole in it so it would sink so no one
[3281.8s] could use it, cause I was afraid I was gonna be followed, you see.
[3285.9s] The ship now sits at the bottom of the river with a flag sticking up out of it
[3289.5s] that is singed and on fire.
[3293.9s] But I didn't light it on fire, that wasn't me.
[3323.9s] The intro and extra music long road ahead is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
[3343.6s] All other music, sound effects, and ambience can be found at epidemicsound.com.
[3349.1s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers Christian Brown, Creighton's Raven, Devin
[3353.4s] Michael's, Gabriel Lynch, Jacob Madden, Joshua Dixon, CatWaterflame, and Stevie.
[3358.6s] To become a patron visit Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast where you get exclusive content
[3363.7s] including an entire exclusive campaign, Dumgeon's downtime episodes, early access
[3369.1s] to our new show Facing Fate, as well as a whole slew of other amazing bonus exclusive
[3374.1s] content.
[3375.4s] Visit Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast to check it out today.
[3379.4s] Yeah, this cave looks really familiar, I never forget a big hole.
[3384.0s] I could have kept it together if I had looked at Carla.
[3389.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.